Rob Blackhurst

Observer.co.uk

Get your retaliation in first

It was a week of cynicism, criticism and apologies from many of those who should know better.

Rob Blackhurst and Sunder Katwala

Observer.co.uk,

Sunday March 17 2002

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Stones were being flung out with abandon from glass houses this week, as the great and good indulged in seven days of sheer effrontery and extended brass necks.

It was difficult to pick a winner, but BBC Chairman Gavyn Davies probably edged it in bemoaning the "mainly middle class, middle aged, white southerners" who want to "hijack" the corporations output. Those who thought the former Goldman Sachs man, having trousered a fortune, was more likely to be shooting the breeze with the Chancellor than manning the class barricades were quickly put in their place. Gavyn was at his condescending finest in declaiming that "the Asian teenager on the streets of Leicester" had as much right to be "heard and served" by the BBC as a "member of the House of Lords".

Brilliant stuff, and only slightly spoiled when Davies was forced into a hasty retreat - choosing Radio 4's quintessentially middle age and middle class World at One to apologise. This time he extended a comradely embrace to those downtrodden "people in the North" and the languishing subjects of "Scotland, Wales and Ireland".

But Old Etonian Boris Johnson in the Telegraph was more concerned with Davies's erratic facial hair, detecting a "beardy lefty instinct" in his occasional chin growth that amounted to "betrayal of his own kind".

The middle classes were not going to take this lying down, and demonstrated again their indefatigable energy and sheer devotion to the letters pages. The Guardian gathered an assortment of worthies to join an impassioned defence of bourgeois values in The Guardian. There seemed no little paranoia, though, in JG Ballard's call to arms: "we are the new victims exploited by society … there are beaters in the woods trying to flush out the middle classes and sooner or later we will revolt". Only Ben Pimlott, biographer of most of the Labour Party and the Queen, showed the middle-class humility and guilt to match Davies' own, pleading guilty on all charges: "I am afraid we must take it on the chin".

Cynical old Charles

Another grandee on thin ice was dear old Prince Charles. Not content with taking on the EU, GM foods and the modern age in all its ugly manifestations, HRH decided to add the Press to his pet hates. Speaking at a service in Fleet Street to mark the 300th anniversary of the first daily paper, he didn't skimp on his adjectives: "awkward, cantankerous, cynical, bloody-minded, at times intrusive, at times inaccurate and at times deeply unfair and harmful to individuals and to institutions". The Mirror got the message - Prince praises press, it wrote. Yet the ensemble of hardened hacks were too polite to wonder whether this was the same Prince who had indulged in a press guerrilla campaign with his ex-wife not so many years ago. As Catherine Bennett in the Guardian pointed out, his plea for us to "start appreciating the unique heritage of our own country" presumably did not include Wilde, Swift, Beckett or Orwell, "just the lovely bits with kings".

Glenys and Delia

Superannuated Euro MP, resident of Brussels and wife of the second most powerful man in the EU, Glenys Kinnock displayed no little chuztpah this week when she accused national treasure Delia Smith of being out of touch with "real women", reading out some email jokes to prove it. "Delia says "to keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with potatoes" Glenys told an audience of women in Newport: "real women buy smash. Deliah says: brush egg white over a pie crust. Real women buy Fray Bentos". Sources were unable to confirm whether either of these culinary options were available in the European Parliament staff Restaurant.

Police on the march

Thousands of police congregated in Whitehall this week to protest about David Blunkett's plans to abolish their archaic pay and conditions. Inevitably, they made their stand under the watchful eye of their colleagues, who took part in the well-known police tactic of sitting in vans and eating fried food whilst simultaneously claiming bicycle and stocking allowances. But it looks like a long battle when even The Times isn't buying it - accusing the constabulary of "working on their golf handicaps while on duty" and "carefully nurturing old injuries" until they can claim a pension. A few gulls helpfully disclosed some secrets of the trade: "One of the reasons that so many people are breathalysed at 1am is that police shifts end at 2am, and if they get a positive reading they are guaranteed at least a couple of hours overtime". And cynics may have detcted the skilled hand of Home Office spinners in the Sun's photo of an "on-duty cop dozing" whilst parked on double yellow lines in Bristol.

Good Week for:

Doggerel

The Times celebrated the centenary of William McGonagall's death, widely touted as the worst poet ever. His "wooden ear for metre, his genius for anticlimax, his complete inability to grasp the limits of his own talent" will be marked at this year's Edinburgh festival. Richard Morrison nominated his favourite clod-hopping couplets. It was a close run contest between "He was a public benefactor in many ways/Especially in erecting an asylum for imbecile children to spend their days" and the tremulous "Alas Lord and Lady Dalhousie are dead and buried at last/Which causes many people to feel a little downcast"

Loopy Loo

As the Sun reported that children's favourite Andy Pandy The Sun reported that children's favourite is to make a TV comeback 28 years after the original series finished. He will return as an animated figure rather than a string puppet. The intriguing sounding Hissy Missy, "a snake-shaped draught excluder", will join his old sidekicks Looby Loo and Teddy.

Bad week for:

The Irish

The Cheltenham festival was back after being scuppered by Foot and Mouth last year. But it was a year too late for Istabraq, a horse so well-loved in Ireland he is known only as "Himself". His ignomonious departure after just two fences led The Times to opine wisely that sporting careers, like political ones, tend to end in failure.

Hear'Say

With the Pop Idol tour storming the nation, there were further ominous noises from the Hear'Say camp this week when the cancellation of their UK tour was announced due to poor ticket sales. "They've never been the same since Kim left", one of Kim's "friends" loyally told the Sun. "It was quite obvious that she was the one with the voice". But the remaining band-members were bullish. "We want to put on the best possible show for our fans" they claimed in a statement. Not a view shared by their promoters, obviously.